SPAM

For sometime now, I have wanted to write a post about spam.  Not this kind, but it makes a nice colorful picture to go with the post.

Of course I mean the kind that shows up in your inbox.  Who writes this stuff?  As much as I hate getting spam, I must admit it takes a creative person to write the subject lines.  They have only 4-5 words to entice you to open the email so they must choose carefully.  Some do so better than others.

Here are a few that showed up this week in my box.  I kid you not.  I could not make this up.

• Vegan Taxidermy....Really?  Is this an ad for a class in stuffing carrots?  Or is the taxidermist a vegan?  Or does this person want you to bring your snaps and peas in to a Vegan Taxidermy shop, where for say $900 they will do the job for you?  Mind boggling, and I'm tempted to open it and see.

• Alahani Mogudashani want to meet you - ok...if Alahani want to meet me, Alahani needs to improve his/her english first.

• College F*%$ Book -  There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to begin.  First, I did not attend college.  If I had, even then, I don't think I could have ordered something called a College F$#% book.  I'm from the south.  Dropping the F-bomb still startles me.  We were raised to say "darn" not "damn" and "pshaw" not "f#%$."  Why is there an entire book devoted to college f$#%-ing?  And why does my spammer think I might need one?   I know someone who's eyeballs popped out and fell onto the keyboard searching for Dick's Sporting Goods so I know I'm not going to click on this one.

• Canadian Viagra - That's it.  Not "Buy Canadian Viagra" or "Use Canadian Viagra." Boring.

• Redeem your $1,000,000 check now - First, how do they know I have a $1,000,000 check?  And if I had one, I don't think I would "redeem" it on line 

• Someone is searching for you - OK now this is just not going to do it.  "Someone" could be anyone...a bill collector, the idiot driver you cut off by accident on your way to town this morning, an ax murderer...anyone.  This writer needs to name names. If I am going to risk a computer virus, I need details.   I would be much more tempted if it said "George Clooney is desperately trying to reach you."  At least that's interesting.

• Need to lose 30 pounds? - Not what I want to be reminded of first thing in the morning.  No sir.  This writer needs to practice a bit of tact. 

There are so many more, Got Teeth? Urgent Urgent, not one urgent, but two!  Plaque Attack for Cats and Dogs, another one I'm tempted to peek at just from these few words, Pure Raspberry Ketone, (I thought ketone was poisonous!) and my last fave from this week - Replica Store...I admit I am dying to know what they replicate!  Do they replicate jewelry? purses? maybe teeth?  Maybe even money! 

These are the spams that interest me.  I don't open them...I learned a while back that spam = viruses.  My brother threatened  if I opened any more spam, he would not  DE-virus my computer ever again, so the content must remain a mystery.  I wonder if these spam writers write books on the side?