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Friday, March 12, 2010

The 5 Gallon indelicate tale

WARNING:  If you read my blog for crafty goodness, cute mini donkey tales and photos and/or inspiration, this is not your post.  This is a FARM post of a most indelicate have been warned...proceed with caution.

There are few things more indispensable to the farmer than a 5 gallon bucket.  The bucket is to the farmer what a scalpel is to the surgeon, what a pen is to a writer, or maybe better, what a paperclip is to McGyver.  Not a day goes by, not one, that the farmer does not use a bucket for at least 10 different things...a waterer for calves, a tool box for fencing supplies, a feed trough for a donkey, a seat for sitting at just the right height for truck repairs, a nail is truly a miracle of invention.  It would not be an overstatement to say that I do not believe the farmer could perform his job without the bucket.  "My" farmer is very possessive of his buckets too.  Occasionally I "borrow" one for my own personal use, which can sometimes throw the farmer into a snit if it is not returned to the proper bucket corral, in pristine condition.

Yesterday, we headed north "up the country" to the little place we bought and are building the barn/living space, to work on the window and door trim.  We have had several people up there working including a painter.  "Up the country" is back off the path" a good distance....we are miles from anywhere.  With all the work that is being done in this extremely small living space, we walked into a mess...paint cans everywhere, electrical wire strewn all over the floor, boxes, nails, drywall, ladders, and misc. supplies thrown around like a goat had exploded inside the tiny space.  The first words out of the farmer's mouth however were "Where is my bucket, that painter has stolen my bucket..."

How his "bucket radar" told him this immediately upon arrival into this chaos I cannot say, but everything came to a screeching halt as the bucket search was launched.  "I had all my fencing supplies in that bucket, and that "so and so" has taken my bucket and dumped everything right here in the floor....bleh bleh bleh...."
Knowing the upset a lost bucket can cause, I too began the search.  It was then I spotted something white at the edge of the woods and realized it was ..a bucket.  The farmer dashed outside and fairly skipped down the hill to retrieve his treasure.  The trip back up the hill however was a different story.

I could tell, even at a distance,  that all was not well;  the scowl on his face was too pronounced.  "That 'so and so' has....(.and here I will take literary license and use my own words) 'answered the call of nature' in my bucket.........."
I wanted to laugh.  I wanted to just let fly with a big BAHAHAHAHAHAHA...but I knew better.  Instead I said "well you know, we have no functioning facilities here yet and there is nothing but space for miles and miles.  What was he to do?"  This, the farmer did not find helpful or supportive.

Now, I know you will think I am lying when I say it was then, at this precise moment, that the painter's van pulled into the driveway and parked 1/4 mile up the dirt road by the fence he had been painting.  The farmer bolted to his truck like he had been shot out of a cannon, offensive bucket in hand and drove off in a cloud of dust, me screaming behind him "don't fire the painter, I HATE to paint".  (It IS after all, all about me).  It was a good half hour before the truck and farmer pulled up outside the barn and he climbed out, minus the bucket.

"So?"  I said.  "He is going to scald my bucket and bring it back tomorrow..." the farmer announced, and I could see the relief on his face.  I, of course, was relieved that the painter was still gainfully employed, and chose not to give my opinion about the bucket to the farmer at that time. ...... Just like I would never tell McGyver how to use his paperclip......

I hope this post has not offended anyone.  I did warn you....this is FARM and fru fru...and it ain't always pretty...


  1. I can't stop laughing! Oh my gosh you are just so funny! I'm surrounded by farms here & will never think of a bucket the same again. McGyver - ha! ha! ha!

    Isn't that the truth though about guys and their "stuff", eh? I mean they are obsessed! I could write a chapter on my husband the attachment to his "stuff".

    Your the best & thanks for the ball of laughs this morning :)

  2. OMG tears are rolling down my face right now because I too know a bucket hoarder and can completely understand your pain. I recently came upon your blog and have loved every minute I have spent reading about you and the farm hands. You are a gifted writer and a fabulous storyteller. Blessings to you and your family.

  3. Too funny!! Tell the farmer that he can have one of our buckets to replace his, I wouldn't want to even think about him getting his bucket back for use again...yuck!!

  4. Oh the life of a farmer and his bucket. Sounds like a great book. LOL.
    I just found your blog and I'm lovin' it!!

  5. thanks everyone for your kind remarks and...your understanding....!!!

  6. Does Farmer really think "freelance" painter will scald or disinfect bucket? HA. Painter will p*ss in bucket, swish and return to farmer with a smile.

  7. Having grown up on a farm, with a "farmer" as a father, I totally understand the bucket story. I hope the defiled bucket is returned soon, and in good working condition!
    We did get out to visit Jubal and Sweetheart, so sorry we missed you!!

  8. Oh my goodness, how funny Sharon!!! I know exactly what you're talking about. The 5 gallon bucket is truly a prized possession. They are like the farmer's "lazy boy", the best seat in the house! My FIL and Hubby are a obsessed with our buckets and I thought it was just them! Glad to know they're normal!
    Got my blog candy and I love it!!!

    ReplyDelete happy to hear from you.........